This topic has been a theme of my life for the past couple months and I can't bring myself to talk about anything else. Practicing presence has given me a new perspective on myself, my success, my happiness, and pain. I've been (always am) undergoing a major change in my life. As a result, my authenticity is fluid.
Often when we hear “be authentic” and I believe many of us still have an unrealistic understanding of who our “authentic “ self is. The version of us we think about is a version where we are likely always secure, kind, understanding, and compassionate. Always aware of our actions and hold ourselves accountable. Or inversely, the version of us that is brutally honest and is never hurt by anyone else’s opinion of us. In my opinion they are both a form of protection from the uncertainty that is being human. Both restrict us, we become blinded by how we decide we should be or should react instead of reacting in the moment and deciding what that means afterward. Reacting with kindness because that's what you think you should be doing based on what you claim yourself to be, can be a slippery slope. It becomes very close to people pleasing.
On the other hand “being” a person who claims to always stand up for themselves and never be hurt by outside opinions, is equally as harmful. With this personal narrative, the danger is that it will be very difficult to allow yourself to be hurt when it inevitably happens. Anything that we decide about ourselves informs our actions and thoughts. So, if you understand yourself to be some impenetrable wall of confidence, it will be much harder to show the side of you that does have feelings and insecurities.
There's no one answer I can give about what to “do” about this. I want to acknowledge that presence gives you the freedom to be many things. Be kind, mean, shy, confident. You'll experience less shame about these contradictions in yourself. There will be no internal voice saying “no you can't care because you are confident and unbothered” That's a recipe for repressed emotions. Oddly enough, emotions are a lot easier to experience when you give yourself permission too.
We struggle in decision making at times because we want to make decisions from this third person point of view. Let me elaborate. Instead of thinking “this is how I feel” we think “I am this kind of person and that kind of person would make this decision”. Authenticity to me, is living by each moment and making decisions from your current truth. Whatever that looks like IS your authenticity. I don’t think there's a moment any of us could be inauthentic, literally anything you do or don't do, feel or don't feel, is authentic to who you are. The alluring quality of authenticity is the TRUTH within it. That's why we often respect people who are aware of their flaws without self deprecating behavior. It's not that they are perfect or even confident, it's because they are unburdened by the illusion of falseness.
Reflect on this.
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